JULY 2025

TOURIST IN OWN COUNTRY
How do you explain to an outsider who either cannot or will not understand that an autistic  child has significant communication problems when it is well hidden or hard to observe?   People hear a high-functioning AS use good articulation, speak in sentences and engage in comments without noticing that the topics are highly selective

 “How can there be a communication problem?”  Trying to explain a child's 'oddnesses' presents a dilemma.  Should one say “lacks comprehension of the subtleties of daily communication discourse”?  Probably not.

Such specialist terminology will not explain to people how best to interact with someone blessed with Asperger Syndrome.  

We want others to feel comfortable about communicating or interacting with our child and want to make the experience mutually satisfying.  We reckon that outsiders might better understand if information is presented within a familiar frame of reference. 

Suppose you were to make an analogy between your child's perception of life with that of a visitor from another country which speaks the same language and on the surface seems to share the same values? Dig deep into experiences of dealing with an apparently similar culture, say the similarities and differences between three English speaking countries Ireland, UK and USA.  Think of your own experiences as you toured one or the other of these from the third which we will take as your own.  It can happen right at passport control where you are jolted by the imperious manner of the immigration officer.  You get through and emerge into Arrivals, free to come and go as you please.  You are probably not going to stand out from the crowd.  Something about your clothes may be subtly 'different'.  Hairstyle, glasses, suitcase are noticeable to an acute observer.  This would be "social interaction" already at work even before anyone speaks. 

The Irish used to claim they could tell the difference between a 'Yank' and a 'Brit' even before they spoke.  They still can in ways! The Yank usually has louder clothes.  Those were the days when the ONLY visitors to Ireland were English or American.  Since the huge influx of white people from the Baltic States, Poland, other formerly communist countries, the Irish now have to at least wait til a person SAYS something or gestures before using 'social communication'.    

Once the 'social communication' begins, all sorts of pre-conceived notions arise and stereotyping commences.  One looks for differences and finds them, even differences that are not there. This is 'social communication' in action or even in reverse.  We prepare to do business with the visitor on their terms, but in reality it won't happen. The visitor will [generally] do business our way.  Having seen things from the obverse let's consider the reverse.      

Upon arrival , a tourist finds that even though he may speak the same language, he does NOT understand cultural and linguistic aspects of our daily lives.  He may not understand the colourful slang used by teenagers.  He could be confused, for instance, by words such as “awesome.”  He might want to talk about subjects on which he is knowledgeable but finds 'they' want to talk about topics he does not understand or about which he has no point of reference. 

Watch an Irishman or American trying to get his head around cricket.  Watch an Englishman or an American trying to make sense of hurling.  And can anyone in the Old World make any sense out of American Football? 

Conversing about football, reality shows on TV, issues around the most recent election are difficult for a visitor from any of our countries to either of the others and we would find these topics of limited interest.  Until one has a better command of the local language and various topics of conversation, one might avoid situations which require  engaging in chit-chat or small talk.   We could be uncomfortable or dis-orientated if not able to avoid such situations.

In many many ways, the high functioning articulate scholar on the Autistic Spectrum is just like the tourist.  He does not quite understand the various subtleties of his native language. He is unaware of some or many of the social, cultural and  informational signals implicit in our daily communication and subversively built into spoken language and body language.  But, unlike the tourist, the AS scholar usually or frequently does not know that he does not understand even when he does know, he will not realize to what extent he is missing essential signals of social communication. 

The tourist may ask questions or develop hypotheses about what he thinks people are talking about. He may check his hunches with a familiar communication partner or even with strangers.  He will figure a work-around and generally succeed.  The more time he spends doing this, the more he will integrate.  It is almost certain that the AS scholar will not do these things.  His brain is 'differently wired' and it is unlikely he would engage in confirmation or clarification activities.  What is your own experience of Aspergers Syndrome?  How many people do you know who have it?  How many people do you KNOW?  

So what can parents tell people to help them understand their child with ASD (autism spectrum disorder} and to help them be more successful in daily interactions with him/her?  Parents can simply advise them to do what they would do with tourists but with some customization for their particular child;

* Provide practical advance information for friends, neighbours and relatives. Tell them the child with ASD may only take one turn in a conversation or may only be responsive to yes-no or one-word response questions.  He or she may eventually learn to do more. 

* Share information about the child’s favourite topics or interests; he or she will be less interested in the neighbour/friend’s topics and more receptive to their overtures if it is on his/her terms. 

(Mention how to manage a monologue, however, in case one occurs). 

* Suggest that the friend/neighbour say the child’s name and pause before beginning to talk. The act of calling the child’s name is to alert him or her that someone will be directing a message his/her way. The pause provides potential time to shift his/her attention. 

* Since typical adults tend to talk fast and often in a disjointed fashion, tell the neighbours/friends/relatives to talk more slowly than one would to a child of your child's age or like they might talk with an adult tourist from another country. 

* Remind neighbour/friends that the child will not have the background/cultural/social knowledge of his age-mates. 

* Advise them to explain things in short 4-7 word concrete sentences rather than use long, complex utterances, slang, figurative language, double meaning or ambiguous/humorous comments. 

* Suggest that, when possible, they might use pictures, objects, or gestures to add clarification to a verbal message. 

* Alert them to watch for body language, physical signs of anxiety, and conversational content that may suggest the child has difficulty processing the messages. 

* Encourage the friend/neighbour to allow the individual with ASD sufficient time to process the message and formulate a response before expecting an answer or changing topics.

The challenge for 'outsiders' will be to remember to use some or all of the suggestions and at the same time engage in a natural interaction.  Parents, through their own interactions with their sons and daughters, may need to discretely model appropriate interactions so that outsiders can more easily understand what he or she needs to do.  Many individuals who are high-functioning desire interaction but they need adaptations by their communication partners to be successful.  Parents want their children to be successful at communicating with others.  The latter may just need some general information to make it happen.  So, give them a copy of this article.

Read more: http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/high-functioning-person-autism-spectrum-disorder-tourist-his-native-country-3899943#ixzz1BL1yPLrs